Advance writing practice

Bariq Hammam (201610100311169)

PRACTICE 1

Read this following paragraph carefully.

1.    RAILWAY MANIAS

In 1830 there were a few dozen miles of railways in all the world – chiefly consisting of the line from Liverpool to Manchester. By 1840 there were over 4,500 miles, by 1850 over 23,500. Most of them were projected in a few bursts of speculative frenzy known as the ‘railway manias’ of 1835–7 and especially in 1844–7; most of them were built in large part with British capital, British iron, machines and know-how. These investment booms appear irrational, because in fact few railways were much more profitable to the investor than other forms of enterprise, most yielded quite modest profits and many none at all: in 1855 the average interest on capital sunk in the British railways was a mere 3.7 per cent.
(From The Age of Revolution by Eric Hobsbawm, 1995, p. 45)

     Topic: RAILWAY MANIAS

     Controlling idea: a few dozen miles of railways in all the world

     Main idea: There were a few dozen miles of railways in all the world – chiefly consisting of the line from Liverpool to Manchester

2.    Now look at these following pragraphs. Analyze each paragraph and choose which are acceptable and which are plagiarized.

(a) Between 1830 and 1850 there was very rapid development in railway construction worldwide. Two periods of especially feverish growth were 1835–7 and 1844–7. It is hard to understand the reason for this intense activity, since railways were not particularly profitable investments and some produced no return at all. (Hobsbawm, 1995: 45)

Acceptable : This writing acknowledges where the ideas came from and the writer has used their own word combinations. The writer involves making word, sentence and grammar changes, to rewrite the ideas expressed by hobsbawm

(b) There were only a few dozen miles of railways in 1830, including the Liverpool to Manchester line. But by 1840 there were over 4,500 miles and over 23,500 by 1850. Most of them were built in large part with British capital, British iron, machines and know-how, and most of them were projected in a few bursts of speculative frenzy known as the ‘railway manias’ of 1835–7 and especially in 1844–7. Because most yielded quite modest profits and many none at all these investment booms appear irrational. In fact few railways were much more profitable to the investor than other forms of enterprise. (Hobsbawm, 1995: 45)

Plagiarized : The wording is also very similar to the original with only a few words changed. A lot of phrases and words have been directly copied from the original with no acknowledgement.

 (c) As Hobsbawm (1995) argues, nineteenth-century railway mania was partly irrational: ‘because in fact few railways were much more profitable to the investor than other forms of enterprise, most yielded quite modest profits and many none at all: in 1855 the average interest on capital sunk in the British railways was a mere 3.7 per cent.’ (Hobsbawm, 1995: 45)

Plagiarized : The wording is also very similar to the original. all of the phrases and words have been directly copied from the original with no acknowledgement.

(d) Globally, railway networks increased dramatically from 1830 to 1850; the majority in short periods of ‘mania’ (1835–7 and 1844–7). British technology and capital were responsible for much of this growth, yet the returns on the investment were hardly any better than comparable business opportunities. (Hobsbawm, 1895: 45)

Acceptable : The writer has used their own word combinations. The writer involves making word, sentence and grammar changes, to rewrite the ideas expressed by hobsbawm

 (e) The dramatic growth of railways between 1830 and 1850 was largely achieved using British technology. However, it has been claimed that much of this development was irrational because few railways were much more profitable to the investor than other forms of enterprise; most yielded quite modest profits and many none at all.

Plagiarized : This writing is an example of plagiarism, because there is no indication where the material has come from. Only a few words changed. A lot of phrases and words have been directly copied from the original with no acknowledgement.

3. Now read these paragraphs below carefully.

a.  "The Antarctic is the vast source of cold on our planet, just as the sun is the source of our heat, and it exerts tremendous control on our climate," [Jacques] Cousteau told the camera. "The cold ocean water around Antarctica flows north to mix with warmer water from the tropics, and its upwellings help to cool both the surface water and our atmosphere. Yet the fragility of this regulating system is now threatened by human activity." From "Captain Cousteau," Audubon (May 1990):17.

Paraphrase:

The sun and Antarctica provide Extraordinary control over our climate,  both of the antartica water and the tropics water are combine to cool the top layer of a body of water also the atmosphere. but this natural balance is threatened by human being. (Captain Cousteau, 1990:17)

b. The twenties were the years when drinking was against the law, and the law was a bad joke because everyone knew of a local bar where liquor could be had. They were the years when organized crime ruled the cities, and the police seemed powerless to do anything against it. Classical music was forgotten while jazz spread throughout the land, and men like Bix Beiderbecke, Louis Armstrong, and Count Basie became the heroes of the young. The flapper was born in the twenties, and with her bobbed hair and short skirts, she symbolized, perhaps more than anyone or anything else, America's break with the past. From Kathleen Yancey, English 102 Supplemental Guide (1989): 25.

Paraphrase:

In 20s liquor violated againts the law, law was very useless because everyone knew where they can find the liquor, 20s are the years when the crime ruled the cities, the authorities seemed so powerless to fight against it but now America's break with the past. 102 Supplemental Guide (1989:25)

c. Of the more than 1000 bicycling deaths each year, three-fourths are caused by head injuries. Half of those killed are school-age children. One study concluded that wearing a bike helmet can reduce the risk of head injury by 85 percent. In an accident, a bike helmet absorbs the shock and cushions the head. From "Bike Helmets: Unused Lifesavers," Consumer Reports (May 1990): 348.

Paraphrase:

using a helmet in driving bike can reduce the risk of accidental injuries because bicycle helmet reduces the impact and absorbs it. Every year 3 quarters of deaths in accidents are caused by head injuries. Consumer Reports (1990: 348)

d. Matisse is the best painter ever at putting the viewer at the scene. He's the most realistic of all modern artists, if you admit the feel of the breeze as necessary to a landscape and the smell of oranges as essential to a still life. "The Casbah Gate" depicts the well-known gateway Bab el Aassa, which pierces the southern wall of the city near the sultan's palace. With scrubby coats of ivory, aqua, blue, and rose delicately fenced by the liveliest gray outline in art history, Matisse gets the essence of a Tangier afternoon, including the subtle presence of the bowaab, the sentry who sits and surveys those who pass through the gate. From Peter Plagens, "Bright Lights." Newsweek (26 March 1990): 50.

Paraphrase:

slowly blowing wind is needed for the scenery and the smell of of oranges are needed for a quiet life. Matisse gets the Gist of a Tangier afternoon from a scrubby coats of ivory, aqua, blue, and rose delicately fenced by the liveliest gray.

Peter Plagens (1990 :50)

e. While the Sears Tower is arguably the greatest achievement in skyscraper engineering so far, it's unlikely that architects and engineers have abandoned the quest for the world's tallest building. The question is: Just how high can a building go? Structural engineer William LeMessurier has designed a skyscraper nearly one-half mile high, twice as tall as the Sears Tower. And architect Robert Sobel claims that existing technology could produce a 500-story building. From Ron Bachman, "Reaching for the Sky." Dial (May 1990): 15.

Paraphrase:

The architects and the engineers will always investigate for the tallest building in the world's since the Sears Tower that can be said as the most splendid achievement in engineering. William LeMessurier already designed a building that twice as tall as the Sears Tower and robert sobel said that nowadays technology only produce a 500 floor. Dial (1990:15).

4. Read this paragraph below.

a. For many people across Europe, the introduction of the Euro has lead to price rises in many everyday goods.

Write the paraphrase: The cost of daily needs become risen because of the introduction of the euro across europe

b. Women have traditionally been seen as mothers and home makers and it is only in recent years that they have been making significant inroads into the job market. There is still a long way to go before they achieve complete equality with men but the situation has definitely improved.

Write the paraphrase:

Since long ago women have always been seen as housewives but in the last period, they have made great changes in the Job market. indeed the position of the man is still far higher than the women but this is a good Chance for the women to be balanced with the men.

c. In the 1920s, an American academic, Elton Mayo, researched the effects of the physical environment on the productivity of workers. The result, known as the Hawthorne Studies, named after the electrics company where it took place, showed that workers could be motivated to work harder by making small changes to the workplace, such as altering the lighting or the layout of a room.

Write the paraphrase:

The influence of the physical environment on productivity of workers, small things like changing the lighting or change the layout of the space can make workers more motivated. (Elton Mayo, 1920)